Well, hello there! It's been awhile, hasn't it?
To say life has been challenging this month would be fair but a more accurate representation would be that being in my first trimester and having to care for two children while my husband is deployed has been one of the most overwhelming, difficult, frustrating chapters of my life so far.
In another month I'll be feeling well and have the energy to keep up with housework, come up with creative solutions to space issues in the form of diys, and be able to create special memories with my kids (or at least get out of the house for more than groceries) but right now I'm fighting hard to keep my heart in a place of gratitude and my eyes on the bigger picture.
It's been easier to just distract myself with Netflix each night when the quiet finally returns to the house rather than open up Typepad and stare blankly b/c all of that creative energy is apparently being channeled to my uterus these days. I've got nothing but hormones and feelings over here and most of the time they aren't exactly inspiring and constructive.
Thankfully, I know this is merely a chapter and this too shall pass. I'm learning things.
I have a continuous loop reel of things I tell myself to get through the frustrating afternoons when Ruby has managed to litter the entire house with toys and blankets to make a messy situation even worse. She's enjoying creative play and messes mean I have a healthy, active child. When Sebastian wakes me before dawn with slammed toilet lids and cabinets I must remind myself how great it is that he's independent enough to take care of himself until the rest of us join the world. And when he wakes me up the same night to crawl into bed because of bad dreams and I can't go back to sleep, I'm thankful he feels safe being close to me.
On the most nauseous days when all I want is for someone to take care of me I realize...I'm doing this. One difficult day at a time. Encouragement from friends both online and in town has been priceless as well as phone conversations with my mom where I just talk and talk because I have so many words saved up. I know this time will make me more sensitive to the needs of other military wives/moms because now I know. Now I know sometimes a friend surprising you with ice cream or direct messaging you on Twitter to ask how you're feeling or planning a trip out to visit can make those hard days easier.
All of that to say, blogging may be spotty for another week or two. I'm hoping with the end of my first trimester in sight, I'll be back with regularly scheduled programming. I appreciate your presence here and the encouragement and well wishes we've received during this time. We are so excited for this baby despite the timing of things and know that I am well aware things could be worse. It was almost a possibility that Brett would have been leaving in March to a much more dangerous place to do a much more dangerous job for a much longer period of time. And I would've had a newborn and two kids to manage on my own without family nearby. I have a friend who has been in that situation (plus another child) and will be saying goodbye to her husband again in March. PERSPECTIVE.
Hard is hard and none of us can truly do this on our own. And if you've got a friend who is moving through a hard time, chances are she probably likes ice cream or coffee and there's never really a bad time to drop one off on her doorstep. Just pretend you don't see her disaster of a house through the window.